| | Time: | 11:34 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/sad.gif) sad |
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Locked in the walls that we ourselves have built we hold back. Afraid to open up and show emotions. The pain, anger, fear, hate. We hold these in because they hurt. Only when lost in the swirl of our emotions we lose the feelings that bring us happiness. It slowly builds and builds until you are ready to burst. Tired of fighting you do not know how much longer you can keep them in. Running to find a place to let go, but afraid to be alone. Sometimes someone finds us....sometimes. | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment   |
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I'm so fucking over everything in my life. 'Cept my babies, Mishka and Zoe...they need me and love me unconditionally, and I them.
so fuck off everyone and everything...especially you god, fuck you the most. If you happened to be paying attention you know what I'm talking about....she would have been 60 yesterday.
it's still getting worse after everything i've tried
what if i found a way to wash it all aside
what if she touches with those fingertips
as the words spill out like fire from her lips
if she says come inside i'll come inside for her
if she says give it all i'll give everything to her
i am justified
i am purified
i am sanctified
inside you
Heaven's just a rumor she'll dispell
as she walks me through the nicest parts of hell (dance of hell)
i still dream of lips i never should have kissed
well she knows exactly what i can't resist
if she says come inside i'll come inside for her
if she says give it all i'll give everything to her
i am justified
i am purified
i am sanctified
inside you
"dear mom and dad, this is the hardest letter i've ever had to write. i'd hoped somehow to get out of this quickly so that you'd never have to know about it, but that just isn't possible now. i don't know what's going to happen, but what can i say to you? will 'i'm sorry' make a difference? will it ease the pain? the shame you must be feeling... forgive me... please."
i'm just caught up in another of her spells
well, she's turning me into someone else
every day i hope and pray that this will end
but when i can i do it all again
and if she says come inside i'll come inside for her
and if she says give it all i'll give everything to her
i am justified
i am purified
i am sanctified
inside you
i am justified
i am purified
i am sanctified
inside you
rock on trent
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| | Current Music: | Better Thank Ezera wtf do you think?!! | | Subject: | ice ice baby | | Time: | 12:22 pm | | Current Mood: | crappy |
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lyrics to go along with my mood....self proclaimed ice queen.
Stay away ... far far away, you've been warned.
First thing I remember was lying in the sand
When a plague of seven horsemen
Came across the desert land
They had one good eye between them
They were burning up the sky
When I asked why they had come for me
The ugly one replied
He told me
Ah, you better recognize
Aw, you better recognize, son
Next thing I recall well
I was hanging from a cliff
When an angel came to rescue
Me and held me in her grip
She said, "Everyone who's ever loved you
Gets hurt in the end."
Then she smiled and said, "Forgive me."
As she let go of my hand
She told me
(You been living out of pocket, out of your socket)
Ah, you better recognize.
(You been leaning like a Pisa, a moaning Lisa)
Ah, you better recognize, son
(Hip hip for all the busted, we are entrusted)
Ah, you better recognize.
(You come a pleading, but it's too late
We can't hear you're on the list now!)
And let your dim light shine.
Always darkest before the morning light,
Lord knows you ain't that bright
Better let your dim light shine
Just before I hit the ground
I woke up in my bed
I was dazed and I was weary
And my heart was full of dread
When I looked at my reflection
I was horrified to find
There were seven horsemen next to me
The angel close behind
They told me
(You been living out of pocket, out of the socket)
Ah, you better recognize.
(You been leaning like a Pisa, a moaning Lisa)
Ah, you better recognize, son
(Hip hip for all the busted, we are entrusted)
Ah, you better recognize.
(You come a pleading, but it's too late
We can't hear you're on the list now!)
And let your dim light shine.
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| Life shouldn't be this difficult. Yeah, I can hear my Dad's words now "Life's not a bed of roses" always hated that growing up, just thought he was Mr. Doom and Gloom. I'm so overwhelmed with everything I don't even want to get up in the mornings and take a shower. All I want is to pull the blanket over my head and sleep it all away. I don't know what to do. Maybe Michelle should come and take Adam off to NM, gods knows she wouldn't mind taking care of him. It's not that I mind, I just can't do it all. I can't. I told him from the start that I wasn't a betty crocker. Sure I've always loved to cook for people, but now I even hate doing that.
How do I make this go away. How do I start over. How do I start to enjoy life again. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Morcheeba -:- some cool mix by Richard | | Time: | 11:15 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/working.gif) busy |
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I miss my COW SOCKS! Much love to you honey! I only wish I was so creative with my own titles...hehe. ~.^
Today is rocktastic, always loved thursdays. Noelle, a friend of Adam, agreed to host me on Datura. You Rock Noelle!! Big thanks, yeah...so now I'm all hyped to start web designing again, or attempt to play around with what I've learned.
Richard just gave me a cd he mixed last night, ripped it and now listening....I like it. We have this cool place here, always trading music or just logging on and listening to each other's library's on iTunes.
So....my domain name is paper (paper.datura.net). I was thinking of the splash page, small graphic with maybe "Paper Flowers"
I'm not sure, you could do alot with paper like.....
Paper, Rock, Scissors
Paper Dolls
Paper & Ink
Did I tell you I have a bird sitting on my shoulder at the moment? Her name is Baby, she is such a cuddle bug too, nuzzling down into my neck. Can you tell I love animals? As does our work place...lol.
Paper..hmm....any suggestions?
Oh yeah!! I got into this community I wanted, fuck yeah! Now I just need to start back writing my erotica and show'em what I've got. ~.^
Gonna run and play some ideas for my new webby...yeah, I miss Beautiful Blasphemy....but brad fucked me on my domain....long story.
See you all later, much love! Have a wonderfully cool day and stay sweet!
| | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Takako Minekawa -:- Black Forest | | Time: | 04:49 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/awake.gif) awake |
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Mishka is with me today at work, laying at my feet being so so so good.....how bad is it to be so in love with a tiny little animal? One would think I've actually given birth to her. I can sit for hours and watch her....every little sound and movement. I'm glad to report her little sister has been adopted, this past sunday to a sweet sweet family. I miss seeing little chuck [Adam's nickname for her] running to us as soon as she hears the creak of our front door as it opens, we still are taking care of momma, she has warmed up to us immensely.....I feel she will never ever be tame enough to live in our back yard.
I wish to join this lj community, but have been declined so I thought I'd take a peek at the maintainer's journal and found this article, seems she too likes to post news links. This is so disturbing I can't begin to put how I feel about the law, lawyers and the boys mentioned in the article into words.....I'm truly physically sick.
Haidl Your Daughters
by R. Scott Moxley (OC Weekly)
More
Our Little Secret | | comments: Leave a comment |
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Danielle just called to tell me she loves me and misses me, funny thing....I almost called her last night, but too worried it was late and didn't want to wake her and Ben up. I love her so much and we had a blast while they were down, I hope they can visit again soon. Kinda have an idea if they could swing it, I think I could give them $100 for gas and of course all the bisquets and gravy they could eat for Adam's birthday weekend....I'll have to call and discuss it more, I would love for them to totally surprise him on this birthday.
She's one of those special people that comes along in life ever so often. Full of vitality, responsibility, feistiness [that might be redundant, but you'd just have to meet her to understand] and the love she and Ben share would make anyone swoon.
Keep your head up, babydoll...you are so very special!
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| | Current Music: | Ozma -:- Maybe In an Alternate Dimension | | Time: | 03:43 pm | | Current Mood: | accomplished |
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| Pardon me while I burst
Pardon me while I burst
( Read more... ) | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Zeppelin -:- Stairway to Heaven | | Subject: | puppy love | | Time: | 11:07 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/energetic.gif) bouncy |
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I've come to a decision, let things be as they are and that which isn't worth my time is exactly that, not worth a passing thought. Karma has a way of allowing all to know the truth, and in my search for inner peace I need to believe this with my entire soul. My own insecurities are prevalent.....and willingly admitted.
So here's a new twist, so what. We all have them, and those that know me know I am sincere in all I do, even on the internet.
I want to write again, play my game....my little Elven healer. Code my silly character pages that I put my heart into. Adam has decided to finish his game and if we can figure out how to network our computers it will be a blast! We've promised each other that it will not interfere with our lives. Anyone that has RP on line can understand how addictive it is.
People like my last post will always be around, I just need to trust in what I have and in myself....and hence the call to connect our cable again.
Whoop! Whoop! Come one week and we will back on line.
Oh yeah! We now have a new addition to our little family. A tiny little furball we've not yet named. Rescued her from the streets of our neighborhood. Damn if she's not the cutest lil thing! one blue eye...one brown. I want to name her Aryan...Adam hates it, what was I to expect...he hates Zeppelin. We'll see what he comes up with. Glad to say she's in perfect health. Her mom is a wild stray that we've been feeding so she would have milk for the two puppies, yes...there is one left. I think she's gaining confidence in us, I hope. I wish we could get her some help. I hate worrying that she or the other puppy will get hit by a car.
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"If there is a bedrock principle of the first amendment, it is that the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable."
-Justice William J. Brennan
I might not like Howard Stern all that much, but I believe he is very intelligent and this got my attention.
Censorship, Howard Stern, and My Little Sister
(April 7th)
Howard's Response To The FCC's Actions:
"This is not a surprise. This is a follow up to the McCarthy type "witch hunt" of the administration and the activities of this group of presidential appointees in the FCC, led by "Colin Powell Jr." and his band of players. They and others (a senator from Kansas City to a congresswoman from New Mexico) are expressing and imposing their opinions and rights to tell us all who and what we may listen to and watch and how we should think about our lives. So this is not a surprise. It is pretty shocking that governmental interference into our rights and free speech takes place in the U.S. It's hard to reconcile this with the "land of the free" and the "home of the brave". I'm sure what's next is the removal of "dirty pictures" like the 20th century German exhibit in a New York City Museum and the erotic literature in our libraries; they too will fall into their category of "evil" as well.
-Howard Stern, April 8th 2004
Check out more if you like....
Howard Stern.com
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| | Current Music: | pumpkins -:- beautiful | | Time: | 09:39 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/angry.gif) aggravated |
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McKELLAN:
--it, it gets worrying. President Bush is concerned to preserve the sanctity of marriage. Now, is that the job of a political leader? That's what religious leaders do, isn't it? And then he says that we must preserve marriage as we've known it for a millennium now. Well, he should know that the first relationships between people to be sanctified by the Christian Church were same-sex relationships. That's history.
MAHER:
Really?
McKELLAN:
Oh, yes. Absolutely. And the changes have happened.
MAHER:
Well, I know there were popes who were a little'[laughter]
McKELLAN:
Can I just quote you the third president, because there it is on the Jefferson Memorial, some of the great words ' and I'm sorry I don't know them off by heart, but he says,
'Laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as manners and opinions change, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.' And that's barbarity. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | OLoP -:- Clumsy | | Subject: | Puppy Love!!!! | | Time: | 05:19 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/suns/loved.gif) loved |
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Just by clicking the link you are helping precious little puppies!!!!
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| | Current Music: | Incubus -:- A Crow Left of the Murder, Talk shows on mute | | Subject: | Snarfed! | | Time: | 12:06 pm | | Current Mood: | bouncy |
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Yay! My baby's back!
Words are failing, I can't believe how happy I am, how wonderful he made my birthday yesterday....I wish I could still be snuggled up in his arms in our bed.
SNARFED!
Battle ME!!
( Read more... ) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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Here's a short list of the rights we've already surrendered since the September 11 attacks. Most of these abuses are from a single piece of legislation called the Patriot Act of 2001, which was rushed through Congress with no debate in the aftermath of the attacks. Many of the Congressmen who voted for it later admitted that they hadn't even read it at the time.
>1. The government can conduct "sneak and peek" searches in which agents enter your home or business and search your belongings without informing you until long after.
>2. Government agents can force libraries and bookstores to hand over the titles of books that you've purchased or borrowed and can demand the identity of anyone who has purchased or borrowed certain books. The government can also prosecute libraries and bookstores for informing you that the search occurred or even for informing you that an inquiry was made.
According to ACLU staff attorney Jameel Jaffer, such "searches could extend to doctors' offices, banks and other institutions that, like libraries, were previously off-limits under the law." Chris Finan, President of the American Booksellers group adds: "The refusal of the Justice Department to tell Congress how many times it has used its powers is even more unsettling because it naturally leads to the suspicion that it is using them a lot."
>3. Federal agents are authorized to use hidden devices to trace the telephone calls or emails of people who are not even suspected of a crime. The FBI is also permitted to use its Magic Lantern technology to monitor everything you do on your computer--recording not just the websites you visit but EVERY SINGLE KEYSTROKE as well.
>4. Government agents are permitted to arrest and detain individuals "suspected" of terrorist activities and to hold them INDEFINITELY, WITHOUT CHARGE, and WITHOUT an ATTORNEY.
>5. Federal agents are permitted to conduct full investigations of American citizens and permanent legal residents simply because they have participated in activities protected by the First Amendment, such as writing a letter to the editor or attending a peaceful rally.
>6. Law enforcement agents are permitted to listen in on discussions between prisoners and their attorneys, thus denying them their Constitutional right to confidential legal counsel.
>7. Terrorism suspects may be tried in secret military tribunals where defendants have no right to a public trial, no right to trial by jury, no right to confront the evidence, and no right to appeal to an independent court. In short, the Constitution does not apply.
>8. The CIA is granted authority to spy on American citizens, a power that has previously been denied to this international espionage organization.
>9. In addition to the Patriot Act, the Bush administration has given us Operations TIPS, a government program that encourages citizens to spy on each other and to report their neighbors' activities to the authorities. It's EXACLTY the kind of thing for which we used to fault East Germany and the Soviet Union, and for which we currently fault Red China and North Korea. Fortunately, Operation TIPS (or AmeriSnitch, as it's known to its many detractors) seems to have been recalled to the factory?-- least for now.
(Incidentally, in a clever variation of "two-can-play-at-that-game," Brad Templeton has set up a website at
http://www.all-the-other-names-were-taken.com/tipstips.html where you can report people you suspect of being informants for Operation TIPS.It's an interesting and amusing site, well worth a look.
>10. In the wake of Operation TIPS came something even worse: Total Information Awareness. TIA is a program of the Defense Department that when fully operational will link commercial and government databases so that the DOD can immediately put its finger on any piece of information about you that it wants. New York Times columnist William Safire writes: "Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend ? all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as 'a virtual, centralized grand database.'"
A kinder, gentler fascism | | comments: Leave a comment |
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